To Sleep
by Rynnah K
Summary: No matter how far apart they seem to grow, Thor and Loki still need each other to sleep. Childhood habits don't break easily.
1. The First

**A/N: This is a chronicle of sleepless nights, I guess. I got the idea from this cute doodle thing I saw on tumblr and then I tried to write it to match the doodle (which is the second chapter of this) but I made it decidedly less fluffy, because I can't leave well enough alone. I'm stupid and I don't have a link or anything to the art, so hopefully nobody kills me. Suffice to say, it isn't mine. The last parts will be longer.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, not anything.**

**Warnings: The last part of this will be slash. Other than that, get ready for fearsome snuggles. **

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The first night they shared a bed, Loki was seven and Thor was eight. Odin had stayed up to tell them both a story and neither brother had wanted to miss such a rare opportunity. After the gruesome tale of the terrifying Frost Giants who lived in Jotunheim, however, Loki hadn't been able to sleep. He laid in his bed, curled up around himself under the heavy blankets, green eyes huge. He was scared, but he wasn't going to admit it. One day when they were older, Loki would help Thor kill the Frost Giants. Then he would have nothing to fear anymore.

Loki rubbed his face against his knees. He was cold. Then he heard a knock on the heavy wood of his bedroom door. Loki froze, abruptly convinced that the Frost Giants had come to take him away and eat him whole. The door creaked open. Loki didn't move. He tried to think of a way to fight them.

Then he heard a tiny voice. "Loki?"

Loki pulled the covers down so one eye was free and peeped toward the door.

"Thor?"

His brother looked sheepish, his blonde hair sticking almost straight up. His sleep clothes were too big for him, the bottoms of his pants dragging on the floor and the sleeves trailing over his wrists. Thor was clutching a pillow and staring at Loki, his blue eyes huge, mirrors of Loki's own.

"Yah."

"What are you doing?" Loki asked, pulling himself free of the blankets.

"Well, I. Couldn't sleep." Thor said.

"You aren't scared are you?" Loki asked, a challenge in his voice.

"No! Are you?" Thor asked.

"Of course not," Loki scoffed.

"Can I stay in here tonight?" Thor asked.

Loki stared at him.

"No. Don't be a baby." Loki flopped back down on the pillows.

Loki heard the door click shut again, and then the bed shifted under the weight of another person and suddenly Thor was half on top of him, a warm mass of blonde hair and limbs, crawling under the blankets. One of his elbows caught Loki in the face.

"What are you doing?" Loki cried.

Thor managed to get under the covers, despite Loki's spluttering, a huge smile on his face. He put his pillow next to Loki's.

"Thor, get out!" Loki picked up Thor's pillow, intending to throw it, only to have Thor snatch it right back.

"But the Frost Giants will get me!" Thor rolled onto his back and started groaning, clutching the pillow to his chest. "Don't let me dieeeeeee Lokiiii."

Loki frowned at Thor and then hit him in the face with his pillow.

"There are no Frost Giants in Asgard, Thor."

Thor groaned more and batted his lashes. Loki rolled his eyes.

"Fine." Loki huffed and then smiled despite himself.

Thor saw his smile, laughed and poked him in the ribs. Loki pulled the covers back over his head and snuggled down into the bed, trying to get warm. Thor's pajama bottoms had somehow managed to tangle their legs together and Loki fell asleep easily, then, comforted by the warmth. Comforted by Thor.

When he woke up in the morning, Thor's arms were around him and he was cradled against his brother's chest. Thor's breathing was rhythmic and deep, his face stuffed into the side of Loki's neck. He wasn't cold anymore. Loki felt happiness bloom in his chest, where fear had been the night before.


	2. Habits

**A/N: This is the one inspired by the art. If the art is yours, (if anyone even knows what I'm talking about) let me know please. **

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

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Loki was trying to sleep. Trying and failing, yet again. His bed was too large for just him, and the whole thing was still ice cold. He usually didn't mind the cold. He wasn't like Thor, always needing a roaring fire, but tonight he was thinking too much and the cold bed just added to his discomfort. He had stayed up late, reading, trying to get sleepy, but it hadn't worked and he finally gave up and got in bed, resigned to another night of staring at the wall.

He heard a knock on the door to his room. He knew who it was just by the weight of the fist against the wood, the rhythm of the knock. The door cracked open and he heard a familiar voice.

"Loki…can I come in?" Thor whispered, his usually loud voice soft in the night.

"No, Thor. Get out." Loki punctuated his refusal by throwing one of his pillows at his brother's face as hard as he could, catching the door as well and forcing it half shut.

"But Loki," he heard Thor complain in the hall, voice muffled by the pillow and the partially closed door. This was part of it, the feint, where Loki turned him away. Would but he meant it, Loki wished.

The door pushed open again, spilling light across the wall Loki was resolutely staring at. It remained open, even when he stayed silent.

Loki finally rolled over, one hand over his face. Thor looked pitiful. His golden hair was sleep rumpled, and he was clutching the pillow and looking at him mournfully. Some things never changed. Loki sighed.

"Fine, just close the door. You're letting in light." He rolled back over as he heard the door click shut and his room was cloaked in darkness once again.

He held his breath as Thor's weight dented the bed.

"It's very cold tonight, brother." Thor whispered.

Loki didn't reply, focused instead on every slight dip in the bed as Thor wriggled under the bedclothes.

"The bed is still cold. Have you been up?" Thor asked.

Loki still didn't reply, his every nerve strung with anxiety and sleeplessness. He shut his eyes. He wanted to tell Thor he hadn't been able to sleep for over a fortnight now, but his pride wouldn't let him. They were no longer children. It was probably no longer proper for them to even share quarters.

"Brother?" Thor whispered, right in his ear, a hand on his shoulder. Loki had missed the shifting that had brought Thor into the small space of the bed he had managed to warm. Thor, who needed the heat and electricity of another person like it powered him. The hand on his shoulder felt like the sun, large and warm, dwarfing him. Always dwarfing him.

Loki tensed his muscles, trying to keep himself from relaxing into his brother. But by now, after all these years, it was reflex. Thor's touch was always a signal to power down, especially in the night when they couldn't sleep and ended up in the same bed. Thor ran his hand down Loki's back, pressing lightly.

"Are you well?" He paused. "Loki, if you really do not wish me here—"

"No," Loki managed to choke out. "No, it's fine." He couldn't say it, couldn't say _stay_, but Thor managed to read it off of him. They had been reading each other for a long time.

Thor hummed happily, easily pleased as always. Thor wrapped both large arms around his waist and pulled Loki flush against him. As he fitted Loki into the contours of his body, Loki choked down a squeak. Thor nosed at the back of his neck, like Loki was a very large pillow.

"Goodnight, Loki," Thor whispered into his ear.

"Goodnight," Loki whispered back. And if his voice shook, Thor didn't comment.

The tension fell out of Loki's body easily after that, leaving him exhausted. He was wrapped in heat and had Thor breathing softly against the back of his neck. Loki fell asleep smiling.


	3. Pins

**A/N: I know a lot of the phraseology is similar, between the parts. It's supposed to be that way, but I'm sorry if it is annoying. **

**Disclaimer: Still not mine. **

**Warnings: Getting a little warmer. **

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"You shouldn't be here, brother." Loki was slumped against the wall, his eyes burning in the fluorescent light of his prison cell. He couldn't sleep. There was no use in trying anymore, not at this point.

Thor hadn't been to see him since they had returned from Midguard together. Loki could still feel the metal of the gag if he thought about it, which he tried not to do, though he often failed. After nine months, he had figured Thor was simply done with him.

Now, though. Thor was standing in the shadows outside his cell. Loki couldn't see him fully, but he knew he was there. He could tell he wasn't wearing his armor, and thus was probably there against orders from Odin. Loki could make out a long cloak, but that was about it. From the slump of Thor's shoulders it stood to reason he hadn't slept in days. Thor had dismissed the guards outside the cell, leaving them alone. _Curious. _

"Did you come all the way over here after all this time and dismiss the guards so you could stare at me through glass? I am not a caged creature to fawn over." Loki turned, seeking Thor's face. He smirked in his brother's direction, while trying hard to dismiss the emotion that was welling in his chest. He had missed his brother. He had forgotten that he had not always seen him as an oaf, had not always seen him as foolish and childish.

Loki never realized how much he needed Thor until he had ruined things between them. Loki hadn't slept in a month, slowly growing more and more destructive, not that there was much to destroy in his cell. He couldn't think past the not sleeping. And he couldn't think past the not sleeping because of Thor. Thor and warmth, Thor and his breath on Loki's neck, wrapped together like lovers, almost. Thor, the only person who knew that Loki had nightmares, the only person who had ever held him through the night. The only person Loki would let hold him.

Loki spent his days trying to not think about Thor and instead worked on the guards, worked over himself.

Finally he had lost all his privileges, leaving him sitting in the light 24 hours a day, without food and only enough water to keep him living, but not enough to dispel the fogginess that clung to his thoughts. He was lucky they hadn't bound and gagged him again. He figured that was the next step if he didn't stop pounding on the glass walls of his cage until his hands and arms turned blue with bruises. Blue as a Jotun.

_Why is he here? What does he want? _Loki stared as Thor came closer to the glass. He looked like he was about to fall over, exhaustion clear even in his gait. Usually Thor moved with grace, but now he moved with the boneless fluidity of those whose exhaustion was so heavy it made sleep impossible. Thor's eyes were shadowed with bruises underneath, riming him in darkness. The cloak he was wearing was a green so dark it was almost black, full and velvet. It set off his gold hair, which was too long and mussed.

_My colors. He's wearing _my _colors. _

"You are correct, brother. I should not be here." Thor's voice was gravelly and hoarse. "Had I told anybody of my plans, I am sure they would have told me I will soon regret my actions."

Suddenly one of the glass walls to Loki's cage disappeared. Thor walked in and the glass reappeared behind him. The lights cut, leaving the cell in complete darkness. Loki felt his nerves prickle as he counted the slow measure of Thor's booted footsteps in the darkness.

"Will I regret my actions?" Thor whispered. His voice was close enough that Loki could tell Thor was standing right in front of the bed. _There is nobody here. You are alone. Nobody will ever know._

Loki got up off the bed. He reached for Thor and wound his hands in the velvet of his cloak, a precious reminder of who this man in his cell was. They were not children any longer. This was not their old days of sharing a bed, two children seeking warmth, innocent and fit together like stacking cups, one the prince of the sun, the other the prince of the dark side of the moon. That is, one not really a prince at all.

Loki rubbed his face against the velvet, hoping the movement was small enough that Thor wouldn't notice. Then he thumbed the pin holding Thor's cloak together, something heavy and set with stones, and it fell open, revealing thin sleep clothes. Loki breathed in as he ran his hands over the familiar lines of cotton his brother had always slept in. He hoped his touch was answer enough for Thor. He didn't trust himself to speak. Loki trailed a hand down Thor's side, amazed that he was being let, while an approving sound emanated from Thor's chest. Thor had lost weight; Loki could feel it just from the running of hands over a side. Then again, so had he.

"I cannot sleep." Thor rasped out as Loki cupped a hand around the base of his brother's skull. Loki leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Thor groaned low in his throat and wrapped his arms around Loki, crushing them together. He freed one arm to wrap about Loki's throat, tilting his head back. The gesture, a common one used by Thor in battle, was instead something intimate. This was not Thor in battle, nor Loki in battle. Loki didn't know what this was.

"I cannot either," Loki replied.

Loki tilted his head, baring his throat, even though he could feel his pulse hammering under his skin, telling himself not to trust this, not to push it. Thor pressed a kiss against the white of Loki's throat. Loki could feel the heat of Thor's mouth open against him, heat and the tiniest flicker of tongue, almost an accident, but Loki couldn't help shifting his hips into his brother's. Loki breathed in slowly, trying not to gasp, but his arms were shaking and he was hard.

_Focus_. Thor smelled like iron and sun and power. Loki wound his arms around his brother's shoulders, tangling his hands in Thor's unkempt hair. Then he pushed Thor down on the bed, pressing him against the wall. Thor folded easily, eyes blazing with sleepless fever in the dark of the cell.

_He came here from his quarters without even bothering to change. _Loki remembered a night long ago when such scene occurred frequently, Thor imploring to be let into Loki's bed, holding him like a pillow. Loki had never been able to say no, somehow. Loki wasn't going to think about his inability to say no and the dreams he had sometimes. Dreams he shouldn't have, Thor's gold hair stuck to the back of his neck, skin flushed with pleasure. In every dream his hands were around Loki's neck and Loki let him, arching into the touch, flooded with heat not his own.

Loki blinked, trying to clear his mind of the need thinking of the dreams always brought to him.

He bent to pick up the cloak from the floor and then clambered into the bed with his brother, pulling the cloak over them. He turned his back to Thor, unable to face him.

"You are wearing my colors," Loki said.

Thor reached out and pulled Loki against him, a move familiar but all the more aching for the loss of it since recent events had thrown the brothers apart. Thor nosed at the back of his neck like he used to, exhaling thickly, like he was choking back tears. Loki shivered at the heat and sighed before he could stop himself, a small noise. Thor stilled against Loki's back. Then a hand ran down his side and over a hip. Thor tugged up Loki's shirt and settled warm against skin, thumbing slow circles against the curve of his iliac crest. Loki shifted back into Thor, flush against him, desire and terror warring in him, not wanting to lose this after so long.

"Sleep," Thor whispered.

And in the dark, then, huddled together under a velvet cloak the color of Loki's eyes, wrapped in the arms of the one comfort he could not have, Loki fell asleep believing he had finally gone mad.

* * *

When Loki woke, in fluorescent light once more, cheeks tight with dry trails of salt, bed too warm for just him, but alone, he threw himself against the glass again and again until a contingent of guards rushed in. They forced him on the ground, bound his hands and ankles, gagged him, and then tossed him unceremoniously back into his bed. Loki managed to shift onto his side after a while so he could stare at the wall without the guards staring at him.

There, wedged between the bed and the wall was a gold cloak pin set with emeralds, barely visible.

Loki rolled onto his stomach and bit on the gag until he tasted blood.


End file.
